Well, my inner voice is pretty well developed, I just have behavior problems and often chose to ignore it. I actually have grown tired of it saying, "Told ya so", and have decided to start changing my *behavior*.
Red flags, knots in my stomach, electric zings up and down my body, sudden flushes of heat, that annoying, nagging, "Something isn't quite right here" in the back of my head. These are ways my inner self, my already installed security system, this is how it alerts me.
And I love to set it off, and then ignore it.
Here is the latest example.
My husband has had a marked decline in hearing for the past year. He has always been hard of hearing since Iraq, but the VA only diagnosed it as Tinnitus.
"Now Mr. Peterson, if you are lying, we will know. You will prosecuted, you could even go to jail", Dr. Peck said. This was in 2006. You think after being threatened with jail for HEARING problems this Soldier was going to "complain" about anything else?! Hell no.
And so he didn't.
But I knew. I saw. I watched. I lived.
My husband is deaf, my little voice would tell me. There is NO way he could NOT hear me. And the thing is, his hearing only became more non existent in crowds, busy environments, and cluttered places. Like sensory overload.
I also watched nurse after nurse, doc after doc, at the VA, tell my husband, "yep, fluid on your ears". And pass it off as nothing. No professional ever connected WHAT THE WIFE WAS SAYING, WHAT THE VET WASN'T HEARING, and WHAT THEY THEMSELVES WERE SEEING with my husbands multiple blast exposures.
But I digress. My husband went to ENT today, and the confirmation was turned into validation for me. He has moderate to severe hearing loss in BOTH EARS across the BOARD.
Tell me something I don't know.
It is 7 years of delayed diagnosis and failed treatment AGAIN. To which I say, BRAVO! But, such is life (at the VA).
They are overworked, the system is TOO full, and I know hundreds of Veterans and their stories to prove it. However, those are not my stories to tell. And I am okay with that. My world finally, FINALLY, just got a little clearer.
HEY VA..... CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!!!??????