Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Not being able to hear.... Validation within a post combat Marriage.

Funny how things play out in life.  You know that little voice in your head or gut that often you hear most clearly laughing and saying, "I told ya so!".... You know what I am talking about?

Well, my inner voice is pretty well developed, I just have behavior problems and often chose to ignore it.  I actually have grown tired of it saying, "Told ya so", and have decided to start changing my *behavior*.

Red flags, knots in my stomach, electric zings up and down my body, sudden flushes of heat, that annoying, nagging, "Something isn't quite right here" in the back of my head.  These are ways my inner self, my already installed security system, this is how it alerts me.

And I love to set it off, and then ignore it.

Here is the latest example.

My husband has had a marked decline in hearing for the past year.  He has always been hard of hearing since Iraq, but the VA only diagnosed it as Tinnitus.

"Now Mr. Peterson, if you are lying, we will know.  You will prosecuted, you could even go to jail", Dr. Peck said.  This was in 2006.  You think after being threatened with jail for HEARING problems this Soldier was going to "complain" about anything else?!  Hell no.

And so he didn't.

But I knew.  I saw.  I watched.  I lived.

My husband is deaf, my little voice would tell me.  There is NO way he could NOT hear me.  And the thing is, his hearing only became more non existent in crowds, busy environments, and cluttered places.  Like sensory overload.

I also watched nurse after nurse, doc after doc, at the VA, tell my husband, "yep, fluid on your ears".  And pass it off as nothing.  No professional ever connected WHAT THE WIFE WAS SAYING, WHAT THE VET WASN'T HEARING, and WHAT THEY THEMSELVES WERE SEEING with my husbands multiple blast exposures.


But I digress.  My husband went to ENT today, and the confirmation was turned into validation for me.  He has moderate to severe hearing loss in BOTH EARS across the BOARD.  


Tell me something I don't know.

It is 7 years of delayed diagnosis and failed treatment AGAIN.  To which I say, BRAVO!  But, such is life (at the VA).  

They are overworked, the system is TOO full, and I know hundreds of Veterans and their stories to prove it.  However, those are not my stories to tell.  And I am okay with that.  My world finally, FINALLY, just got a little clearer.

HEY VA..... CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!!!??????




  1. How did you get them to listen??? We are fighting too. email me would love to chat with you.

  2. Hey did you get my email? The irony of getting "them" to listen is not lost on me haha. Its not so much "getting" them to listen, its learning to speak their language. And if you find yourself on the tower of Babel, then you must learn to become a very very very thorny persistent, "you can cut it down but it keeps growing back" type of a caregiver. The squeaky wheel gets the oil, however, remember to be kind, they are frustrated too, BUT, do NOT sacrifice your husbands well being because of their frustration. You are always entitled to a second opinion, and if you have the means, get to an outside private ENT center. Lucky for us, our audiology dept was so booked, they fee based us, and I called around and asked nurses if they had docs and audios who have experience with combat hearing loss and many people said no....can you believe that???? But I finally found a soul who went and ASKED the MD on staff and they were like, Oh yea, bring him here :) Good luck and never never ever give up!!!